Kay Hunter - Imagine . . . The Possibilities

You may not be the beauty contest winner, but at least you are honest.

by Janae St. John

Misrepresentation is a contract law concept. It means a false statement of fact made by one party to another party, which has the effect of inducing that party into the contract. For example, under certain circumstances, false statements or promises made by a seller of goods regarding the quality or nature of the product that the seller has may constitute misrepresentation.

Alright, it's a bit dramatic and ooooh so serious sounding. But, it remains that when you say you are one way, look a way, or have a certain marital status you are supposed to telling the whole truth.  Otherwise, you are committing a MISREPRESENTATION of yourself. Who could trust you from that point forward?

On your personal appearance:

Perhaps that's the test. If you meet someone you convinced that you were a 180 pound Adonis who has never been married or recently widowed; and upon seeing you for the first time realized you have a Dunlap muffin top belly, memories of hair on the sides of your temples and are still wearing a wedding ring - yet they don't head for the door - you may have met your match!

That's not me; don't even think of trying that. I'll head for the door, let you know you've wasted my time, were deceitful and need to get a grasp on reality. Of course we all share the best photos of ourselves. But, how about a photo of yourself from THIS year - ideally in the past six months?

I went out with a man once. Never knew he wore a toupee. I was young, naive and thought it was fun to go out with my dentist - wrong on so many levels.  We had a wonderful dinner at a local upscale steak house and went back to his place.  We were visiting in his living room when the glue started to drip by the side of his ear.  He must have been nervous as I was asking him about his family - or perhaps when I was telling him about mine.  Noticing his "discomfort" and sweating, I simply asked him, "why?" He had beautiful eyes, gorgeous smile (of course) and didn't need fake hair.  We didn't date again, primarily because I couldn't get over the smell of mouthwash whenever I was near him. But, he did change something after that date; he dumped the toupee and shaved his head. He looked so much better and he held himself straighter with more confidence. I feel that I helped in some small way. We are still friends.

On marital status:

Do you know the definition of widowed? How about divorced vs. separated? The phrase, "it's complicated" does not substitute. Call your status for what it is; you will save everyone’s time. We won't like you more after meeting you when you finally reveal that you are only separated and there is a nasty custody battle. Do you think the memory of the person we thought we'd be meeting will cloud our judgment so much that we'll look deep into your eyes and say it doesn't matter and that we understand, you poor baby...? Tell me you don't believe this. Stop reading, I can't help you.

• Widowed: You were married, the person died. End of definition.
• Separated: You just don't live together, perhaps you still have conjugal visits, perhaps you own a business together, perhaps you are just separated, but the other partner doesn't know it.
• Legally Separated: A bit clearer, lawyers involved, nothing settled, still messy.
• Divorced: Marriage is dissolved, but you may still have a lot of baggage, financial ties, shared parenting weekends, holidays with the ex-in-laws, restraining orders. How clean is a divorce? Only you would know about your own. You owe a chunk of the true story to someone you are considering dating so there are no false hopes, unspoken situations or to put their mind at ease because you actually managed an amicable divorce years ago, have no ties, are on friendly terms, no children, no ex-in-laws, no shared properly, no involvement with taxes, etc.

You can't be divorced and widowed from the same person. If you are divorced and they die, then the person you WERE married to died. Just that simple.

On demographics:

Where do you live? You don't have to give the address. If you are working for the FBI or in Witness Protection, you may have an excuse. Then, too, you shouldn't be looking for love through conventional means because you are destined for dishonesty. If you are embarrassed about where you live, you can either get over it and get comfortable with your situation, or come up with a plan to change it. Share the plan - at least you have a plan and are not lying.

I thank my friend, Kay Hunter for inviting me to contribute to her blog.

 

 

Are you really ready to date? Are you sure?

by Janae St. John

I realize as we get older and find ourselves back out there dating that we will have some baggage.  Unless you are Sleeping Beauty, you aren't single because you are totally innocent, without a history, some bumps, possibly quirks and emotional bruises.  But, make sure you ready to date? Dating involves a bit of trust, lightness and MANNERS.

A very odd date happened to me recently.  I understand through well-meaning friend’s attempts at setting us up on blind dates and online dating services, we are all a bit cautious – as we should be.  Although, when your ice-breaker questions include - no joke:

"May I see your driver's license?"
(We were in a public restaurant - he asked this to confirm my age!)

"What is your credit score?"

"How do you look with no makeup in the morning?"

These were just the openers. I was so distracted looking for the door throughout the rest of the paranoid inquisition that I can't remember the rest of the inappropriate questions that he asked.  Of course, we all want to know the other person’s sorted details, but it seems some of that information needs to come out as when a relationship evolves.  Perhaps it's my own fault for taking care of meself, having a current sense of style and good oral care that would make someone wonder how old I am and if I'm "all real."  I'm not sure.

From a female perspective, these are questions I would welcome:

• "When you have NO schedule and it's beautiful outside, what's the first thing you want to do?"  Ash yourself, are they actually someone who would notice a beautiful day, or want to sit in and watch a game.
• "What about your career is your favorite aspect? Ask yourself, do they hate what they do, are they passionate, are they a workaholic, and does their answer involve something of integrity.
• "What three books best sum up your reading tastes?" "Why?" Ask yourself, do they like to read, if yes, are the books something they've read recently.

These are good questions because they give more you information than the questions present.

There is no wrong answer, but their answers will help you see if there is a match. If you are a sports TV nut, then someone who would prefer to catch a game, even when it's sunny out may be a good match for you. If you don't enjoy reading, someone who says they only read business books or magazines may be a good match for you.  It all depends on where you are heading, where you want to land.

How Should You Dress for a 1st Date?

How Should You Dress for a 1^st Date?

Talk about making a 1^st impression, this is the king of occasions.  The other person is evaluating everything and diagnosing if that sought after “chemistry” exists.  The first factor being evaluated is - how you look.  After the 1^st impression, their personality, ability to connect with you, compatibility, and similar goals and values will all come into play.

Let’s start with the easiest part of the first impression, how you dress.  This is the easiest because it can be adjusted and modified so instantly.  This is much easier to adjust than a boring personality!  Let me just say, “I have seen it all!”  From men showing up in cut-off blue jean shorts with a white “wife beater” tank top for his shirt, to men so buttoned up they appeared stiff as a board.  Ladies commit the same crimes, usually associated with showing off way too much “of their goods”, or not playing fair and not letting the man see a glimpse of what they look like. 

First date attire should be selected based on where you are going and what you are doing.  If you are simply meeting for coffee, jeans and a nice shirt/top are just fine.  If you are going to dinner, this is the time to step up your selection and dress up more to show you value the time he/she is investing.  Second, select styles that flatter your particular body type.  Second, the clothing should show off your physique/figure without looking desperate (i.e. even if you have the best biceps in town, no tank tops!).  Third, your ensemble should reflect your personal style.  If you are very traditional, that should come across.  If you are very creative, this is not the time to try to look more conservative.  We want to make it easy for the other person to get to know us, and our clothing choices can assist with this goal! Finally, be well groomed.  This may be your only chance to make that 1^st impression.  I met a guy who said, “Oh if I knew I was meeting you I would have had my hair cut, it is way over do”.  Well, he knew he was meeting me (he did set up the date), and I couldn’t be attracted to the 80’s look.

You are ready! Take a deep breathe, arrive on time, and enjoy the journey!

 

How To Take The Pain Out Of Dating – Starting Out

Dating can be great and dating can be awful! Finding the “right” partner can be like finding a needle in the haystack – but worth the search. If men and women would follow the golden rule of “do unto others as you want them to do unto you”, everyone would be much better off.  Since this is not always the case, follow these tips to make your dates are as successful as possible.

Dating is simple, it is about two people coming together to get to know one another and find out whether they are compatible and have chemistry.

When in doubt about what to do, read the guidelines below – more will follow next week. Reverse rolls in your mind to see how it would feel to be on the receiving end of some of the more insensitive behavior explained below.  These tips are for both men and women.  When both sexes are skilled at dating and social etiquette, everyone has a much better time!

• Start Out Slow – Plan the first date for coffee or maybe a lunch.  It is so much better to limit your exposure on a first meeting. Agreeing to a dinner can be a very long (and expensive) evening if the person does not meet your expectations.

• Ping Pong Conversation – The goal of the dating is to get to know each other.  It should be a natural process. It is both people’s responsibility to make the date fun and interesting.  Ask questions, don’t just talk about yourself. “Ping-Pong” – this is how the conversation should go, back and forth. 

• Eye Contact – It is crucial to maintain strong eye contact, this communicates an interest and confidence.  It’s good etiquette to give your date as much of your attention as possible, especially if you want to see them again. They should feel like they are the only person in the room. Do not use a date as an excuse for general partying or to get a free dinner.

• Compliment - Always be courteous and complimentary. Your date has made an effort to look nice for you. Compliment how they look, say something specific you like about what they are wearing or a feature that is particularly attractive to you (e.g. “Your eyes are beautiful” or “You are in such great shape”). If they look horrible (and sometimes they do), and you know you will not see them again, don’t lead them on with false compliments. Simply be polite and get out as fast as politely possible.

• Compliment, Be Careful - Never leer at your date. It's rude, and it demonstrates that your focus is only the other person's physical appearance. This will turn a woman off faster than almost anything else.

• No Show and Punctuality – Always show up for a date – ON TIME, unless you've given notice and let the other person know you have to cancel. Standing someone up is not acceptable and very rude. It shows disregard for your prospective date by wasting their time neglecting to respect the time they spent preparing for the date.

More to come, stay tuned . . .